Saturday, December 9, 2006


I feel compelled to remind everyone who passes along here that this blog is my way to keep my sanity during a very difficult, confusing, lonely, emotionally trying time. While I appreciate the support I get from many of you, and even many of the helpful suggestions (although not all work for me), oftentimes this blog serves as a way for me to vent without having anyone to talk to.

Sometimes I feel somewhat misinterpreted. I know that it's a particularly masculine trait to want to "fix" things. Maybe I wrote of being financially challenged too quickly after writing about being sexually hungry. But please do not think that I was soliciting sex, for money or otherwise. I would not accept money from any of you, either as a gift or in exchange for something, and I hate to think I've been misinterpreted in this way.

I know SH commented that I should continue to talk sex if I want to keep my blog readership. This has never been about developing a following of readers, and if you lose interest in what I have to say because I don't talk sex often enough, or my life is not dramatic enough for you to tune in regularly, then so be it. I am not here for your amusement, or even for your criticism. This is my fucking life. This is the pathetic waste that I am, for those of you who have friends and loved ones to turn to for long talks about your problems and concerns, that I have only one very public place to write things. I do not care to wear the burden of providing your entertainment.

I suppose what I'm saying is that if you can picture me as a person, a real person with real concerns, feelings and problems, and simply enjoy checking in to see how I'm handling one of the roughest times in my life, then please continue to read. But if you think that I'm here to provide you with amusement or stimulation, or offering you my life so you can provide some brand of heartless criticism that gets you off like people shredding a movie on the IMDB message boards, then I have no problem whatsoever losing readership.

Maybe this is why my fellow bloggers like Kathy and Average Joe have thrown in the blogging towel. Me, I'm too dependent on this as a place for my thoughts. I'm too fair minded to consider censorship of comments, but be warned, that if the trend continues, I may turn off anonymous commenting, or take down my email address or IM information, and go back to the days when I had no criticism because I had no readers.

I don't mean to yell at you. But my skin is never as thick as it seems, and every one of your comments, jokes, jests, teases and jabs is taken to heart by a real woman, one who already has a few issues with not being desired as a whole woman, but wanted either for her fetishes sexuality, or resented because of it.

One final reminder, although my heart really isn't into it right now, that today is Steak and BJ Day. Celebrate with someone who turns you on. Hopefully someone you gave a little something-something to on Valentine's Day so she's properly enthusiastic. Me, I'll be as alone today as I was on Valentine's Day, so I guess it's all appropriate. Maybe next year.